Uncertainties, life’s beauty and BTS
The pandemic has hit all of us in different ways and I for one have had a wonderful time during this worldwide crisis. Somehow it brought me closer to who I am and I was able to be more alive and new every single day. But it was not all rosy. There were anxious times, overflowing emotions and increased feelings of being overwhelmed. So many overflowing thoughts that from time to time challenged my grip on my sanity. I sort of got lost to find myself back fair and square, the best version of me.
The winter season of last year was a particularly memorable one. Even as gusts of cold breeze sweep past me now, I couldn’t help but get some beautiful flashbacks of last year. Particularly my life took a completely different turn on 2nd December, 2020. It was some ordinary day, doing my daily routine and just wandering about in nothingness. My elder sister had recently taken interest in the worldwide phenomenon of the boy band BTS( BangTan Sonyondan). I would see her watching their music intently but didn’t bother taking part until that day. Before that I had heard of BTS quite a lot. I was familiar with what they were basically: a boy band from South Korea with a global and huge fandom including a lot of my friends. I was familiar with names like J-Hope, Suga and Jungkook as a result of reading all the useless scribblings on school desks and benches for timepass. On one of my friend’s requests I had once listened to Euphoria by BTS’s Jungkook in 6th standard but had long forgotten about it. Little did I know that everything was now to be narrowed down to BTS’s songs.
I first listened to ‘Boy With Luv’(ft. Halsey) where I was not quick enough to remember all of the members but a particular someone was first to catch my attention- Kim SeokJin (Our WorldWide Handsome). Then my sister dragged me to watch some of their interviews and I was particularly determined to learn all of their names along with their faces(where all armies start off). I then recognised them quite well and I was fully qualified with their basic knowledge by the end of December.
If December 2020 of my life were a movie it’s title would definitely be ‘Save Me’. Save Me was the song that made me an ARMY. I have quite a special connection with the song as when it plays I feel like I am in an alternate dimension with a dense thicket of twists and turns, a kaleidoscope of emotions and topsy-turvy ups and downs known exclusively to me and BTS. And today I am a proud and happy ARMY in their presence.
Why is BTS special to me? It is not that since they came into my life everything has been happy and merry. I have had quite a lot of ups and downs, painful days and sorrowful nights. But somehow they are always there for me posing as my guardian angel. Every emotion I have encountered, every sick thought that hovered around my mind was met with the shield of one of their strong and powerful lyrics. Their songs help to even make the sad times beautiful and add more life to the happy ones. Their smiling faces ease all my pain and seeing them get the recognition they truly deserve fills my eyes with tears. And before they came into my life I had quite known about the concept of self-love but I was never able to fully accept it. Self-love is not found in my school books at least, teachers and society consider it selfish but they, only they have made me realize that it’s okay to love myself: a lesson I am still giving my best to learn. Just like Yoongi sings in Love Myself: Answer- ‘Inside our life is a thick growth ring, we are part of it, and that is who we are. So let us forgive ourselves now’-this lyric always makes me tear up. It is as if some part of that is liberated and at ease is telling myself to relax and let go of any burden I carry.
Life has been really beautiful ever since the day I encountered them. I aspire to be an astrophysicist someday and I hope that till that day this feeling remains which I will make sure of. I want to shout with them, cry with them and live with them. I am most fortunate to have them in my life. I hope BTS knows how much I love and cherish them. Thank you for always being there, for saving me, for making me my only saviour, for lifting me up no matter how many times I have foolishly fallen down again, thank you for everything. I feel like you all understand what I mean, even if I have never seen you, not speak your language and are so different people in so many spheres but somehow, I am reassured that BTS gets me. They are the cause of my Euphoria.
~Puja Krishnatraya,
One of the members of a global family shared by BTS and ARMY.
